Counting Down the Days…NO…the HOURS!!!

Yeah, I know that sounds a LOT better than where we are really at! We certainly CAN count down the hours, but not without a calculator and some serious exertion of brain power. BUT, we are close nonetheless!!! Last week we received our e-PINK alerting us of the date we should appear with Carmen before the Embassy in order to obtain her VISA!

Amidst all the excitement of preparing to leave, I’m seriously getting a case of the “I don’t know if I can do this” jitters!!!! I’ve felt this way before, but now that we are so close to leaving it all is just starting to feel a little TOO real!!! Like, this is seriously gonna happen! I’m gonna be a Mommy and I’m not sure I’m ready!!! Up until now I had been able to convince myself that something would go wrong and it just wouldn’t happen! Now I KNOW it’s gonna happen and I can’t rewind or even stop the clock!!! As a matter of fact, I have to move the clock ahead this coming weekend!!!!! I can’t even believe that I’m to the point where I can actually count the hours (OK…not really…it takes WAY more math than MY brain is typically interested in doing).

And to make matters worse I feel like such a nincompoop because I really shouldn’t even be writing this!!! Talk about pouring salt in wounds! I know there are so many people who would want nothing MORE than to feel this way (and trust me…I’m not complaining. I dreamed of this day for SOOOO long)! It’s just inconceivable to me that in a matter of DAYS I will be a real, live Mommy! I’ve never felt that before and it’s quite overwhelming! In just a matter of days BH and I will no longer be “BH and I”, but rather “BH, CARMEN, and I”! For as long as I can remember, my answering machine has always said “Hi! You’ve reached BH, M, Ellie, Pebbles, and Penny…” Daddy called and left a message the other day and announced that soon my message would need to say “Hi! You’ve reached BH, M, CARMEN, Ellie, Pebbles, and Penny!” I nearly lost it that very minute!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!! What am I gonna do?! Can I REALLY do this?!

WE ARE OUT!!!!!

I don’t typically update my blog as news comes in but I just could NOT resist sharing this news!!! We received a call from our agency today stating that the Guatemalan Attorney General (PGN) approved our file!!! We are OUT!!! We should expect to travel in 6-8 weeks!!!

Our SW is out of the office today (as she is most Fridays) and I feel so bad she was unable to relay the message to us herself! There could be no better piece of news for a SW to share than to tell a family that their adoption has received approval and that it’s time to schedule a “Travel Meeting”!!!! I’m sure the call will still be a joy for her when she gets back to us on Monday, and honestly I am so glad the secretary decided to call us herself so we could celebrate this news through the weekend!!!

In any event, we don’t know any official dates but hopefully J will be able to give us more definitive info on Monday. Our best bet is that we MIGHT have 1 week under our belts dropping our travel time to 5-7 weeks. Not to mention, we have evidence that our attorney works pretty quickly through this post-PGN process so we can assume that we will fall into the lower end of that estimate. SO…CARMEN MAY BE COMING HOME IN JUST 5 SHORT WEEKS!!!!!!! And can I put into words how I feel at this moment?! I will try….

First, I could not have asked for a better moment than when we received this call!!! It was PERFECT!!! BH typically works from home on Fridays and today was no different! He was in the process of sending an e-mail to our SW when the phone rang! He answered it and then called for me to pick up the phone! Honestly, I can’t even remember a word that was said besides “OUT”!!! Immediately I broke into tears!!! When we hung up BH came running up the stairs, embraced me, and together we celebrated our news…me through the shedding of tears and him through laughter (and I DO think a couple tears)! My immediate thoughts were those of PRAISE, THANKSGIVING, JOY, HAPPINESS, NERVOUSNESS, EXCITEMENT!

I then called my dear friend in RI who again reduced me to tears (she and HER husband are actually leaving in just over 1 week to PICK-UP their son, who is just 1 month older than Carmen). She commented how surreal it seems to know that when we leave our homes with our suitcases to pick-up our babies our lives and our homes will never be the same again! The next time we walk through that front door our children will be in our arms!!! How overwhelmingly amazing to think of that!!! I only have a few short weeks to prepare for the homecoming of our baby!!! 5 weeks will quickly become 4, which will quickly become 3, etc., etc., etc. Am I ready?! Can this really be happening?! OH MY GOODNESS…THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!! OUR BABY IS COMING HOME!!!

OH MY GOODNESS…we have gifts to buy, curtains to make, a toy shelf/closet to “build”, floors to clean, windows to wash, packing to do, cabinets and outlets to baby-proof, baby necessities to buy!!! OH MY GOODNESS…we’re going to have a baby crawling around this house in a matter of WEEKS!!! NOT YEARS…NOT MONTHS…….WEEKS, which will soon turn into DAYS!!!!!!!!! Where do I begin?! What do I do?!

OK…calm down! First things first! I will take this weekend to thank God for this amazing miracle and this undeserving joy He has blessed BH and me with!!! Come Monday morning the computer is being shut down and this house will be turned upside down!!! We WILL be ready when this baby girl comes home!!! We MUST be ready because….READY OR NOT…………

CARMEN IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Groundhog’s Day!!!

Anyone know what happened?!  Is spring just around the corner or are we “cursed” with 6 more weeks of winter?!

I certainly pray we have more winter in store, as we have not had NEARLY enough snow for my liking yet this year!!!  Come ON, Phil…please tell me I have to wait for another 6 weeks before my hopes for snow are forever dashed until next year!!!

So, What Have I Been Up To and What Has Happened With our Case?!

OK…here is a “brief” timeline of the past 6 months, just to catch all of you up with my life and my wait!!!

AUGUST

1) Visited our daughter in Guatemala, as previously posted in detail.

SEPTEMBER

1) Received US Pre-Approval indicating acceptance of the DNA results and agreeing to issue a US VISA to Carmen upon final approval from the Guatemalan Government.

2) The Guatemalan Attorney General’s Office (PGN), responsible for approving our adoption from the Guatemalan side, Kicked Out (KO’ed) our file, requesting that some corrections/additions be made to the file and to specific documents within it.

3) Conducted Carmen’s Guatemala Night Fundraiser! We had a ton of help from some wonderful friends (Sie, E, Sie’s parents, etc.) who kept us on task both in prep and during the event. It was a huge success both in educating our friends and families about Guatemala AND about our own personal journey and process. We served some GREAT food (if I DO say so myself) and awarded some beautiful raffle prizes that we purchased while visiting Carmen. At the end of the day few words could express our gratitude and how humbled we felt at the turnout for this special event! So many friends and family arrived ready and willing to show us love and support in any way possible! We felt so overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity and loving hearts. From the people who helped plan and set-up, to the people who baked Guatemalan treats for the Bake Sale, to the people who helped to serve food and keep it stocked in the dining room, to the people who contributed time and money for both this event and for our adoption…we cannot thank you enough! You all hold such a special place in our hearts and until the day that we breathe our last breath Carmen will know you and will know the part you EACH played in welcoming her into our family!!!

4) Necessary corrections were made and our file was resubmitted to PGN.

6) PGN KO’ed our file a second time requesting further corrections be made to a document previously KO’ed.

OCTOBER

1) Attended our nephew’s wedding, where BH served as a Groomsman!

2) Met some very dear Adoption Buddies (you KNOW who you are…T & J) at Coney Island in NYC!!! It was AWESOME to finally put a face to the name of the woman I was chatting with on a near daily basis!!! She and I have so much in common and truly enjoyed our afternoon together! It was much too short a time with each other and we hated to part ways, but we agreed to try and get together again as soon as possible!!!

NOVEMBER

1) Was SURPRISED by my best friend (who else but Sie) throwing me a baby shower!!! It was a remarkable day!!! Again, so many friends and family came, I was absolutely overwhelmed! Even Sie’s parents once again drove the 8-hour trek to celebrate this special day with me! We had DELICIOUS food, played some cute games, and I opened many WONDERFUL gifts! It was a day I will NEVER forget, many thanks to Sie! Oh…and to save the best for last…my GREATEST surprise of all!!! We bowed our heads to say grace! As I waited for the prayer to begin I felt big, strong, hands squeeze my shoulders and I heard a familiar voice utter the words “Hi Punkin”!!!! I was in complete SHOCK!!! I didn’t know WHAT to do at first! I just turned around and standing there, behind my chair, was Daddy!!! HE WAS MY SURPRISE!!!! Never would I have expected to see him at my baby shower!!! NEVER!!! I immediately broke down as the shock, excitement, and joy of the moment began to sink in!!! It was a day and a moment I will never forget, and as usual, it is in great part due to the amazing friendship I have with a beautiful and remarkable person!!! Thanks, Sie. Never in a million years will I ever have enough words to express my absolute heart-felt thanks for ALL you have done for me and BH through the years!!! And thank you, Daddy, for taking time out of your busy schedule to come and share this most important and memorable day with me! And thank you to everyone else who attended my shower, helped in its planning AND its execution (you know who YOU are, too…AHEM, K…YOUR help in actually GETTING me to the shower without spilling the beans , or even hinting at spilling the beans;) ), and for all the lovely gifts that will come in so handy when Carmen finally steps through our door! I cannot WAIT to dress her in all the beautiful clothes that already fill her dresser, her crib drawer, and her closet rack!!! She WILL be the best dressed baby on the planet, many thanks to ALL of you (don’t worry…this is not a substitute for “Thank You” notes that I have WAY outdated proper etiquette in sending. They will be in the mail any day now;) )!!!

2) Thanksgiving – as usual we invited BH’s family over to share the Thanksgiving Meal! Unfortunately we were 2 families short (D&L went to L’s daughter’s house and P&T decided to celebrate quietly in their own home). While we missed them we still had a wonderful time, as we do every year! It’s a wonderful day to spend with family just sharing our memories and thoughts of the past year. Everyone is so busy throughout the year that we always look forward to Thanksgiving as that one day when we KNOW that we will all have the opportunity to get together and just spend quality time together as a family!!!

DECEMBER

1) Adoption documents rectified (corrected) and resubmitted to PGN (finally!!!)!

2) Christmas Eve – Spent the evening enjoying GREAT food and fellowship at D&L’s house! Again, this is one of the only times through the year that we have an opportunity to spend time with BOTH sides of BH’s family! It is wonderful to just relax, catch up on everyone’s news for the year, and enjoy the Christmas spirit as it exudes from the sounds and smells of the people with whom we spend our evening!!! This is one of those events that I cannot wait for Carmen to experience, as it will be a tradition that she will always remember as the years pass by!

3a) Christmas Day – BH and I served as hosts to our Student Pastor and her husband as they spent Christmas Eve with us so that they could attend our Christmas Day service. This was the 3rd Christmas Program that BH and I planned and presented. It is something I truly enjoy doing and that really helps put me in the proper frame of mind for Christmas. The service this year focused on the shepherds and how Christ’s birth was first announced to the people most looked down upon. As always the service was simple and straight to the point, but certainly full of great meaning and joy as the small number of participants and I had the opportunity to spend another quiet and pensive Christmas morning with one another! This is another tradition I hope to continue into the future and to which I long to expose Carmen!

3b) Christmas Evening – Spent in fellowship with our dear friends Sie, E, Z, and Z! For the first time ever we were able to spend Christmas together opening the gifts we got one another on the day they were meant to be exchanged!!! It was a true blessing! We were just quiet and relaxed and enjoyed the evening for what it was…special time with friends! Oh, and did I mention the food?! CRAZY-huge-amounts-of-cheese cheeseburgers, to-die-for 6-cheese Mac N Cheese, and delicious Farmer’s Market Nut Roll!!! All was WONDERFUL until we drank the homemade hot cocoa! The homemade marshmallows…YUMMILICIOUS!!! The homemade cocoa…NOT SO MUCH!!! Are you supposed to have to chew hot chocolate?! We didn’t think so either!

4) New Year’s Eve – Spent again in fellowship with Sie, E, Z, Z, and Sie’s parents!!! We had a GREAT dinner and a yummy dessert of homemade Chocolate Cake ala Sie’s Mom!!! BH smoked his ever famous pork butt and chicken wings, I made Sie’s FAVORITE cornbread, and Sie made baked beans and MY favorite 7-layer Salad! I also made homemade Spinach-Artichoke Dip for an appetizer to go along with Sie’s Mom’s shrimp cocktail! So, did we eat well on New Year’s Eve? YOU BET WE DID! And the company was equally as enjoyable and AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

JANUARY

1) New Year’s Day – Spent recuperating from our late night of ringing in the New Year! Have no fear…we didn’t party too hard and that Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider really isn’t hangover producing!!!

2a) While BH attended a work-related conference in Phoenix, AZ I spent a week traveling myself!!! At the beginning of the week I visited my BFF from High School (B) who, out of the blue, found me and sent me a Christmas card after 10+ years! Reuniting with her was a dream come true! Just 2 – 3 weeks before I received her card in the mail I found some old pictures of her and me from HS and was thinking about how much I missed her and wondered where she was and what she was doing!!! Well, as it turns out, she only lives 1 1/2 hours from me, and is married with a daughter, who she and her husband adopted from Russia!!! Upon receiving her card I immediately broke down as I thanked God for blessing me with her presence in my life once again, and at a time when I needed it most! It is amazing how God knows our needs and provides for them without us even knowing and asking.

2b) I spent the remainder of the week visiting my Adoption Buddy (who BH and I met at Coney Island in October)! We spent the week exercising our stomach muscles laughing harder and longer than I had laughed in a LONG time!!! We laughed at my “baby brain” zone-outs and my moment of shock and panic that ultimately prevented me from answering an “unknown caller’s” call to my cell phone (turned out to be BH calling from a number my cell phone didn’t recognize)! We made complete fools of ourselves in Panera as we gregariously laughed at the concept of being offered butter with our already rich and fattening “Cobblestone Muffins”!!! We spent much needed time distracting one another from the pain of waiting…we talked about friends and family, adoption, food, church, and Santa Clause. We went shopping, out to lunch, out to dinner, to meetings, and to school. We laughed at American Idol, watched Celebrity Apprentice, and stayed up until all hours of the night (we’re talking 1, 2, and 3:00 a.m. respectively). Through my visit with T & J I learned the true meaning of “kindred spirit”. T and I were MEANT to meet each. I truly believe God placed her and her family in my life at the exact right moment in time and we will have a long-lasting friendship. Regardless of the fact that we met as a result of our simultaneous adoption experiences T will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart because of the many nights we shared laughing and crying, and most importantly, supporting one another!! T offered me such kind words of wisdom, love, and compassion…words I will cherish until the day I no longer walk this Earth!!!

I enjoyed a wonderful week of distraction and happiness. While I hated saying goodbye to both my friends I KNOW I will see them again in the near future! I thank God for giving me the opportunity to spend this week reuniting with a cherished and never-forgotten friend and then uniting with a kindred spirit!!! Friends are an amazing gift and I feel so immeasurably blessed by the amazing friends He has chosen to place in my life! They may not be MANY, but the friendships I have…those with whom I fill the pages of this blog…are strong and deep and will no doubt stand the test of time!!!

January has finally come to a close. As you can see from these past 6 months, a lot has happened, most of which involves an enormous number of people who love us and care about us and Carmen. We have our dear friends (who I pray ALL know who they are…) who have gone out of their way on more than one occasion to help hold us up and keep us moving forward. Just when we think we cannot go any further, when we think the only thing left to do is curl up in the fetal position and sleep until our baby comes home, those times when we actually chose to wallow in our own self-pity and despair in the confines of our own home…at each of those times a friend or family member has stepped up to share some of our burden and lighten our load.

There will never be enough days or enough words to express the full measure of our gratitude for each and every person in our lives! Our prayer is that in our weakness and inability to always share our thanks, that you all still know the place you hold in our hearts and that you will always know how humbled we are that you have chosen to be such a valuable and important part of our lives!!! For all that you do…for all that you are…we say THANK YOU!!! And may God bless you and be with you as you continue being a source of strength and encouragement to those around you!!!

I Don’t Want to Wait Any Longer

During the fall and start of winter I was pretty busy getting ready for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and even a fairly busy month of January. The time seemed to just fly by! In fact, I couldn’t even TELL you where December and the first 3 weeks of January went. Fast forward to now and TIME HAS OFFICIALLY STOPPED!!! If you felt a jolt it’s probably because the Earth is standing still, not allowing time to move forward!!!

OK…I’m exaggerating a little. I guess it’s not THAT bad. After all today IS today rather than still yesterday, right?! Or am I living in a dream and the day just keeps repeating itself over and over? I think I might be living a real-life “Groundhog Day”…I just keep waking up to the same day over and over!!!

What is all this sudden hysteria you might ask?! Well…it’s called 8 weeks in PGN waiting for our adoption to be approved and to be told that Carmen can finally come home! A friend from one of the message boards I visit actually diagnosed my sudden bout of anxiety and hysterics as “PGN Flu”…something all of us waiting Moms and Dads experience at some time or another on this journey.

For some reason I assumed that once we got to this part things would get easier! I read many posts of people who began feeling very anxious as they got to the end of their PGN wait and who declared the end to be harder than at any other point in the process. I privately scoffed at such remarks questioning in my mind how someone could possibly show such poise and patience through the entire length of the process only to lose it at the end!!! Well, my friends…I SCOFF NO MORE!!! It is an excruciating reality! Once you reach a point where you can practically feel the warmth of your child’s embrace, smell the fragrance of her sweet baby-ness (I think I just made up a word), hear her voice in your ear…once you reach that point all sense of reason and rationality fly out the window! I DON’T WANT TO WAIT ANY LONGER!

I want my baby home! I NEED my baby home!!! She is all I think about. She is all I dream about! Not a second…no, not a NANO-second goes by that I am not thinking about her! She is in every thought, every breath, every movement. Everything I do now I do because of Carmen or for Carmen or in anticipation of Carmen. Carmen is why I wake up early in the morning. Carmen is why I stay up late at night. Carmen is why I take one breath after another and LIVE each day! She is my everything! AND I WANT HER HOME!!!

The Visit, Part 3…A Week of Joy, Patience, and Faith

Ah…how to put the entire week into words?! I’m not even sure where to begin. I guess I’ll start at the beginning:)!

After ending our short visit with N and O we took Carmen back to our room and spent much of the rest of the afternoon getting to know her. We were very gentle and quiet with her, trying to not overwhelm her with our own excitement! After all, this was just another day for her. Another day with new people in a new place with new sights, sounds, and smells. This “tiny” 4-month old baby had a lot to process without worrying why these 3 crazy people with goofy smiles plastered to their faces were bouncing around and staring at her non-stop!!!

We started off trying to follow the schedule N gave us to a “T” but quickly found that Carmen was not interested in following this schedule. Within an hour she was rubbing her eyes and clearly tired (we learned when checking e-mail the next day that part of the reason she was late in coming to us Monday morning was that she first went for her monthly medical appointment, so she clearly had a LONG morning. Not to mention she was sleeping pretty soundly in N’s arms when we arrived in the lobby.). We had been told that she naps in a crib and THEN, upon waking, gets her bottle. Through the week we learned that it was much easier to give her a bottle BEFORE napping as she seemed to use this to calm and soothe herself, which she desperately needed to do before being put down to sleep. For this first nap we tried everything in the book. We rocked her, bounced her, shushed her, held her, laid her down in the crib, covered her with her blanket from home, held her some more. Nothing seemed to work. She was clearly grieving and we just couldn’t figure out how to soothe her. In fact, she wasn’t really interested in allowing us to soothe her. So, eventually, we laid her in the middle of the bed, put her blanket from home up near her face so she could smell it, and walked away. Within seconds her eyes closed and she slept. PHEW!!! I prayed that all future bedtime and naptime routines would not involve quite as much trial and error…poor baby!!!

Over the course of the next few days we enjoyed so many wonderful experiences with Carmen. We walked around the hotel wearing her in a Snugli carrier, mostly facing in so that we could continue making eye contact with her and so we could control the number of people who wanted to touch her and look at her. I believe this was truly instrumental in beginning to form an attachment with her, if even for just 4 days. We carried Carmen everywhere, whether in the Snugli, in a sling, or just in our arms. We chose to not use a stroller and when playing with her we sat with her on the bed. When eating our meals, either in a restaurant or even in our hotel room, we took turns holding her while we ate our food. As Sie said, weeks after returning home, “that baby’s butt never touched the floor.” Meaning, we NEVER put her down! That baby was attached to us like glue!!! AND WE LOVED IT!!! We didn’t WANT to put her down. We knew we only had 4 days with her and we wanted to make the best of every waking moment we had with her. In fact, we hated to sleep at night, thinking of those hours we were missing with her!

Sie had to laugh at us one night because each and every night, when Carmen would wake for her nighttime feeding, BH and I both got up. Before going to bed ourselves, we would set out all the supplies we would need through the night. At the first sign of her waking I would jump up and change her diaper while BH would make her bottle. Then we would take turns feeding her. Of course, while one fed her the other would prepare supplies for the next wake-up and then would sit on the bed watching the other feed her. It was beautiful!!! What amazing joy to watch one’s spouse tenderly hold, touch, and feed his first child!

One of the most enjoyable moments we spent with Carmen was while taking our first dip in the swimming pool! Carmen absolutely LOVED her bath so we suspected the pool would also go over pretty well! YUP! We definitely have a water baby on our hands!!! When we first entered the pool she seemed a little apprehensive, but as we made our way to a quieter corner, she certainly came out of her shell! She cooed and gurgled and splashed water with her hands! As many people know through our photos, her Daddy even provided her with the opportunity to just kick back and relax!!! We had so much fun with her in the pool! Certainly the source of some memories I will NEVER forget!!!

As we spent the week getting to know Carmen we learned that both her and us experienced a much deeper and more valuable sleep when co-sleeping. While we started every night with Carmen in her own crib, after the 2nd early morning feeding of each night, we would bring her to bed with us. Oh my…I can’t even describe the first night we decided to do this! All I remember is that we laid her down with her feet up near the pillows and her head near our torsos, so she could look up at our faces and vice versa. Within minutes she reached out her little arms, placed one hand on Daddy, one hand on Mommy, and proceeded to fall soundly asleep! It was the most precious moment of our entire visit! My heart melted. All at once I could see her innocence in this whole process and I could see how even at 4-months old she is so greatly and directly affected by what is happening in her life. Just that touch spoke volumes to me! Yes…she was reaching out to us for comfort and reassurance that someone was there for her. But no matter how much we love her and care for her we are NOT Mommy. Nor are we Foster Mommy for that matter. Everything we tried to do was vastly different from anything she has experienced so far in her life. Not bad…just different (OK…I digress. I’ll save that for another post:) )!

While we had a most remarkable time getting to know Carmen throughout the week, the week was not without its ups and downs. Carmen clearly grieved throughout the week and at times was nearly inconsolable. The ability to soothe her became more difficult as the week progressed. She required more frequent feedings, and slept more often than the first couple days. On one particular evening we were a little behind in her schedule. Although I knew it was unlikely we would make it through a sit-down dinner in the restaurant, we made the decision to give it a whirl. Within minutes it became clear that Carmen was not interested in sitting through dinner. Tia Sie, trying to come to the rescue, took Carmen out into the lobby to walk around and soothe her. Unfortunately we had reached the point of no return! I ate a few more bites of dinner and then went and relieved Sie of her duty, taking Carmen up to the room. Did I mention we had reached the point of no return?! Carmen managed to make it through her bath, which she absolutely loves. But in the process of drawing her bath, and then getting her dressed for bed she SCREAMED!!! LOUDLY!!! To the point of choking and gagging herself! It was all a little too much for a first-time Mommy! Upon finally sitting down with the bottle Carmen began calming down just in time for Mommy to lose it! Now, I have cared for many babies in my day! And I have experienced very sad babies who want nothing more than a bottle in their mouth for comfort and nourishment! BUT it has NEVER been MY baby! And never do I want to experience that again! It was awful!!! There is nothing worse than hearing your baby cry, especially knowing that it could have been prevented merely by making a different decision!

Another downside of the week was both Tia Sie and I got sick! Fortunately it was at separate times in the week which was ever so helpful!!! By Thursday afternoon Sie was just starting to feel slightly better while I became progressively worse! By Thursdsay night I had a fever of 102 and just felt plain miserable. Once again, Tia Sie to the rescue! I don’t know what we would have done without her!!! I was pretty much down for the count, practically unable to crawl out of bed! Much to my deepest appreciation, Sie got out of bed for the early morning feeding and helped BH with the diaper changing and the bottle prep! I was so thankful for her help!

I felt so bad that my last day with Carmen was mostly spent in bed, but I was still so thankful to have that intimate time with her! We stayed in the room and finished last minute projects, took some final pictures, and just spent some quiet time saying “goodbye”. Once again, I will NEVER forget this special time we had with our daughter! Goodbye was not nearly as heartbreaking as I anticipated it might be. Perhaps because we learned while in GC that our attorney had submitted us to PGN in July. Perhaps because I just knew in my heart that we weren’t really saying goodbye. Perhaps because Carmen was too little to understand and by the end of the week clearly needed to return to a place of familiarity. Perhaps because we learned on Monday how special Carmen is to her Foster Family and how much they all love and care for her. Perhaps because so many people were praying for us during our trip and especially for that moment when we finally must say goodbye. Whatever the reason, the actual moment of goodbye was not one filled with tears and sadness. N arrived at precisely the stroke of 5:00 p.m. This in itself was a joy because it just provided more proof of the importance of Carmen in her life. We then had the opportunity to sit and wait with N for 45 minutes. While language differences posed somewhat of a barrier, Tia Sie once again came to the rescue and used the Spanish she knows along with our Spanish-English dictionary to help with communication. We shared a little about our week and thanked N for the love and care she provides Carmen. While we waited she even handed Carmen back to me so I could feed her a bottle. It was a joy to be able to spend that extra time with N.

We had an amazing week full of highs and lows!!! These will be memories that we share with Carmen and that we hold within ourselves for the rest of our lives. I look back on that visit and thank God for the wonderful opportunity to spend the first week with my daughter in HER country, getting to know HER culture and HER family’s way of life. The departure was somewhat bittersweet! I flew away knowing that in just a few short months I will be flying over that landscape again in order to pick Carmen up and bring her home. For the first time after saying goodbye on Friday, I finally shed tears of sadness. As I looked out the window of the plane I was not shedding tears for Carmen. I was shedding tears for her country. At the thought that within this beautiful land there live thousands of babies who very well might be saying goodbye to their COUNTRY, to their CULTURE and HERITAGE, to their NATURAL FAMILY for the very last time. I pray that God will guide BH and me in keeping Carmen connected to her life in Guatemala. I pray that when we fly home with Carmen that, much like my feelings as I left HER, we will be flying away KNOWING that it isn’t “goodbye”, but rather “see you again soon” and “I look forward to you being a part of our lives from now to eternity”!!!

The Visit, Part 2…Meeting Carmen for the First Time

After a month of preparations the day finally arrived for us to board a plane and fly down to Guatemala to meet Carmen!  I was beside myself with anticipation!  But yes, I actually DO believe I slept that night due in part to the sheer exhaustion I was feeling after 3-4 weeks of no sleep as I packed and dreamed of this day finally arriving!

We left the house probably much earlier than we needed but considering it was an International flight we didn’t want to risk long lines and running late.  Allow me, at this time to share a cute anecdotal from our drive to the airport.  We were riding in the car…BH, Sie, Sie’s BH, E, her 3-year old son, Z, and I.  We were discussing our travel arrangements, including that we would be connecting through Miami before finally landing in GC.  Well, Z pipes up, “Mom…what are you doing in ‘Yourami?’  Ah, from the mouths of babes…I never even thought of such a correlation.  Of course it would be “Yourami” coming from him, since it was Miami coming from Mommy.  So, with smiles on our faces as we thought of the sweet innocence of youth, we said our goodbyes and thank yous, and then breezed through check-in and security.  I might add that although security was rather simple for the three of US, we were in line behind a “large” family, who, judging by their accents, must have travelled before (perhaps never out of Philly or maybe never even out of the US) but were certainly struggling with their many belongings, children, and the TSA rules.  We were patiently waiting for them to rid themselves of all their liquids, literally….  I kid you not, just before walking through the metal detector one of the women dropped what looked like her 4 or 5-year old son’s pants and helped him urinate in a bottle.  She then proceeded to throw the bottle of urine into the trash can next to her, pull up his pants, and walk through the detector…all as if this was perfectly normal and commonplace!  I’ll tell you what…BH and I chose the wrong gender!  I never knew it was that easy!  There won’t be any way to hold a bottle up for CJ to urinate in…what were we thinking?!  We should have thought through our decision a little better.

Anyway, the flight was pretty simple considering how nervous I get travelling.  Mind you, not out of a fear to fly…just out of fear of the unknown.  I hate doing new things.  Travelling to new places, experiencing airports I’ve never been in before…that is what causes anxiety for me.  But with BH and Sie, I felt safe and comfortable knowing they could go in front of me and I could see “how it’s done”.  We arrived in GC around 7:00 PM and easily walked through customs, out to the road where a Marriott employee was waiting to take us to the shuttle.  Within 1/2 an hour of landing we were at the hotel!  It was amazing!!!

Monday morning finally arrived, after another fairly decent night of sleep!  We were all relieved that Sie’s earplugs worked and she was able to sleep peacefully through the wood sawing BH and I both engage in overnight (I often don’t sleep well when with others because I worry that my snoring will keep them awake, so at the slightest indication that my snoring is about to begin I wake up)!  We awoke to the most beautiful morning we would experience all week…not a cloud in the sky with a bright, sunshiney view of the volcanoes surrounding GC!  We enjoyed our first morning’s breakfast and then returned to our room to wait for THE CALL!!!

Well…we waited, and we waited, and we waited, and we walked to the grocery store, and we waited!  UGH!!!  It was excruciating!  We had 5 false alarm phone calls!!!  It was unbelievable!  Who receives unexpected phone calls in a hotel room?  Especially in another country?!  Of course, if we hadn’t been waiting for the phone to ring it wouldn’t have rang AT ALL!!!  And just so you are aware, and not thinking we were stood up for hours without knowing what was going on, we DID get a return call from our contact person/translator (O) at 11:15 AM letting us know they wouldn’t be there until 2:00 PM.  That’s when we decided to walk to the grocery store.

In any event, the phone finally rang around 2:30 PM and we took the long walk from our room down to the lobby where we would meet our daughter for the first time!  OH…to say I had butterflies was an understatement!  I wanted to run around, scream, bounce off the walls, jump up and down…something to release that nervous/excited energy that was bottled up inside.  But, have no fear-I DID manage to compose myself and conduct myself with SOME decorum.

We had no idea what to expect when we met Carmen and her Foster Mama (N) for the first time.  In fact, I had mentioned to BH on several occasions that I thought I wanted him to take Carmen because I was afraid I would be a basket case.  We had asked around about whether the Foster Mama hands the baby immediately to the parents or if she continues holding her.  All the answers we received were different so we decided that we would take our cues from N.  With very few expectations I was so surprised when she immediately stood up and handed Carmen to me!  OH. MY. GOSH….how to put that moment into words.  I have tears rolling down my face right now as I remember that moment.  Awe, joy, amazement, excitement, wonder, peace, happiness, anxiety, LOVE…TRUE LOVE!!!  I looked at that baby and knew in an instant that whatever it takes to bring her home I will endure with the utmost courage and faith imaginable.  After only a single breath I knew that my world had changed forever and already I could not imagine my life without her!  OH…the feelings that went through me when that precious baby girl was handed to me and told “Here’s your Mami”!  It’s indescribable…I can only give this moment the justice it deserves by sharing with you the sobs I just broke into as I was writing those words…”Here’s your Mami”.  Music to my ears…..

Well, we sat down with O and N to discuss Carmen’s feeding, napping, and diaper schedule, when N would be back to pick her up, and any other questions we might have for N.  We were first quite surprised when O asked us when we were leaving and then stated that N would be back to pick Carmen up at 5:00 PM on Friday afternoon!  Friday?  Did I hear that correctly?  Surely he meant Thursday, right?  Is Friday the Spanish word for Thursday?  Should we tell him that we were told we could only have her until Thursday?  That we had plans to go to Antigua on Friday and really didn’t want to keep her until Friday?  WHO AM I KIDDING?  I kept my mouth shut and tried to the best of my ability to stay in my seat and not jump up and shout “YAHOO!!!!”  Greg laughs every time he sees that part of the video because I look right at the video camera with widened eyes and a clear sign that I’m trying very hard not to look too excited!!! 

As we sat there longer it became so overwhelming to see the love and compassion N has for Carmen.  She had tears in her eyes as she shared with us how much the whole family loves her and how she will always be a part of their family, even after she leaves them.  She also shared how happy they are that Carmen will be going to such a good home, which certainly humbled us immensely.  We shared with her our own joy and happiness in knowing that Carmen is being cared for by such a loving and kind family!  And honestly, it DOES put our hearts and minds at ease knowing that although we cannot be sharing OUR love with her, she is certainly not lacking in that area!  I knew immediately that had I gained nothing more in this visit than the knowledge that Carmen is loved and doted on that would have been enough to make the trip completely worth it.  Of course we DID get more out of the visit, but seeing Carmen with N was worth more than a thousand words and pictures!  I praise God for the family He has given Carmen.  And I pray that when the day comes for us to bring her home that they will feel His love and will lean on Him as they grieve the loss of this little baby that has filled their hearts and their home for nearly 8 months!!!

The Visit, Part 1…Getting Ready

As I wrote in the previous post, we visited Guatemala AND Carmen in August…August 19th-25th, to be exact. 

Preparing for the visit was a hoot!  I’m sure each and every one of you would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall in THIS house!  First, BH thought for sure we could fit all of OUR clothes AND everything we needed for Carmen AND all the gifts we were taking for Carmen’s Foster Family AND the gifts for the staff at our agency’s office in GC AND the 7 Ziplocks of Love we were taking for other families, into our 2 big suitcases.  Sure, I can pack rather efficiently (meaning I can still make my suitcase shut as easily as BH’s but mine weighs twice as much) but as the dining room table began filling with the things we needed JUST for Carmen I seriously had my doubts!  So, traveling buddy, Sie, “to the rescue” #1…she loaned us a small carry-on size suitcase in which we packed all of Carmen’s belongings.  GREAT…crisis averted.

At this point you might be wondering what DID we need to take for Carmen.  Well, let me give you an idea of some of the things we chose to pack (some was off a recommended list given to us by our agency, some off a recommended list from BTDT families, and some just cuz…).  Well, let’s start with clothes…outfits we bought, outfits friends bought, outfits family bought (yup…I had to take them all because I wanted pictures of her in all the clothes people bought for her), socks, bibs, hats, onesies.  Anything missing in that list of clothing?  I didn’t think so either until…Sie “to the rescue” #2…”do you have any sleepers for her?”  WHAT?!  SLEEPERS?!  Babies need sleepers?  Are you kidding me?!  I thought she would just sleep in what she had been wearing all day.  After all, I WAS bringing enough outfits for her to wear 3/day.  UGH…and I thought I knew what babies needed.  Boy do I have a lot to learn.  So, add sleepers to the list, most of which I borrowed from Sie.  Hmmmm….there’s a pool at the hotel, and we certainly don’t want her swimming naked.  Do you know how hard it is to find 6-mos bathing suits in the middle of August that are 1-piece and NOT pink?!  Well, BH’s work buddy “to the rescue”!  We borrowed 2 adorable bathing suits from him (or a family friend, not sure WHO exactly but THANK YOU nonetheless).  Oh, and did I mention that the temperature in Guatemala is a crisp 70 degrees all year long (not the 90 degrees we were suffocating in as we prepared to leave).  I had only packed sleeveless or short-sleeved tops and shorts or dresses for this poor baby!  She needed a couple WARM outfits.  Well, Babies R’ Us “to the rescue”…can you even imagine how cute a little sweatshirt and sweatpants look in a size 6-mos?  Holy crow…I had NO idea!!!  So, anyway, taking up about 1/3 of the suitcase, I think we finally had all the clothes packed.  And as Tia Sie said to Carmen as she took video footage of the suitcase “more clothes than you will EVER need for 4 days”.  Next…..

Things we needed to buy that of course we DIDN’T just have laying around the house….infant carrier (Snugli), bottles, a bottle brush, “Swimmy Diapers”, hooded towels (yeah…that conversation was funny in itself…BH “why can’t she just use the towels in the hotel room?”, Me “because they are rough and scratchy”, BH “yeah…that’s probably what she’s used to”, Me “these have a hood”, BH “so?  What’s she need a hood for?”, Me “to keep her head warm and to help dry her hair”, BH “my towels don’t have a hood”, Me “oh stop…c’mon, we’re getting these”), blankets, crib sheets (again, kinda funny…BH “you don’t think the hotel will have crib sheets?”, Me “I don’t know but I would want to put my own sheets on anyway.”, BH “why?  We’re sleeping on the sheets the hotel provides”, Me “yeah…that’s US.  We’re talking about our baby.  We need crib sheets.”), baby soap, baby lotion (oh…don’t you just LOVE that smell?  I could stand around smelling baby lotion all day long!), diaper cream, Baby Orajel, Mylicon Drops, Infant Tylenol, baby Sunscreen, a tape recorder and cassette tapes (to record us talking to Carmen and then to send home with her for the Foster Family to play so that she continues hearing our voices), a tape measure (to measure different parts of Carmen’s body…which we never got a chance to do, but the tape measure came in handy for measuring belts), and a Spanish-English dictionary.  OK…so that’s not too bad.  Most things were in small bottles that could fit into small spaces.  The blankets, towels, and sheets took up the most room because they were a little bulky!  Oh yeah…I totally forgot…(as almost happened before the trip…this was one of those last minute runs to the store…) something with which to make handprints and footprints.  Tia Sie “to the rescue” #3.  She shared with us her success in using Crayola Model Magic clay so we bought something like 12 small packs of it and shoved them into the little cracks and crevices in a now, nearly exploding suitcase.

Now you’re wondering if there was ANYTHING that had to go that didn’t need to be purchased, right?  Well, in our possession we had a thermometer (Basal brand for testing BBT…not sure how effective it is for an infant but it’s all we had), washcloths (we already had some from previous Ziplock packages we sent down), dish soap (for washing bottles), laundry detergent (for washing clothes, if necessary…and YES, we used this a couple times), baby nail clippers (Sie “to the rescue” #4 and just wait till you hear the saga surrounding this….), board books, infant toys (Sie “to the rescue” #5), a travel diaper changing pad (Sie “to the rescue” #6…and boy we could NOT have lived without this…it came in so handy both IN the room and when we went walking around the hotel), a sling (Sie “to the rescue” #7), and scissors and an envelope (to cut a lock of hair for her baby book).  Honestly, I think that’s finally IT!  So, all that, with some exceptions, pretty much managed to fit into 1 small carry-on size suitcase.  Now we still needed to pack OUR clothes, all the GIFTS, and all the ZIPLOCKS of LOVE!!!

Sie “to the rescue” #8…she loaned us a SECOND carry-on size suitcase for all the Ziplocks (nothing else fit in this suitcase except for a couple little odds and ends snacks we packed to have in the hotel room).

So, with a limit of 2 checked bags/passenger we were now left to fit everything else we might possibly need into our 2 large suitcases.  As luck would have it, this wasn’t really a problem.  We worked together…I packed in my usual efficient fashion, fitting a few miscellaneous items in little nooks and crannies while BH packed in his usual “light” fashion and found he had plenty of space for all the gifts.  Neither of our suitcases exceeded the 50 lb limit (actually…I think BH’s was 51 lbs but they let us slip by without charging a penalty…they just attached the ever-so-embarrassing neon orange label warning people to “lift with the knees” when picking our suitcase up!).

Oh…and at this point, since I bothered to explain EVERYTHING we packed for Carmen, you might also be wondering what these “gifts” included.  Well…let me see….for the staff in our Agency’s office in GC we put together a basket of food items that best represent the area in which we live-pretzels, Tastycakes, chocolate, cookies…that kind of stuff.  For the Foster Mom (and family) we also included some sweet treats from our area, a pretty candle, a photo album with all the pictures we received of Carmen up to this point, and a mold of Carmen’s handprint (obviously created while we were there).  For both just small tokens to show our appreciation for all they are doing to care for Carmen and help join her with our family.

Finally, back to the travel prep.  I think we were ready.  We had our suitcases packed and ready to go with 1 full day to spare.  We visited our Shared Google Spreadsheet about 100 times/day checking the lists and rechecking them.  We had our passports, copies of our passports in our suitcases and carry-ons, money in small bills for tips, and confirmation from our Agency that Carmen would be brought to the hotel around 10:00 a.m. on Monday morning.  We were ready to go.  The only thing left to do was SLEEP!!!!  Yeah…right…..

Holy Moly…Where Have I Been?

Good grief…I can’t believe I haven’t posted in such a long time.  To my devoted fans, I apologize…to any possible new readers, I will try to improve and not leave you hanging for so long.

So, to my question…

It has been a crazy couple of months.  In August we ran around getting ready to visit Carmen.  And then upon return we immediately jumped full-force into putting final touches together for “Carmen’s Guatemala Night Fundraiser” (view the next couple posts for more detailed info about these 2 events).  While on our visit we received an updated medical report and pictures of Carmen as well as learned that we had entered PGN on July 31st.  We didn’t have Pre-Approval (PA), but that was great news nonetheless.  It meant we had a head start in our case being reviewed by the PGN officials!!!  Then we learned last week that we were Kicked Out (KO’ed) of PGN for not having PA (which we expected) and for a couple other minor objections.  Within 2 days we received information that our KO actually occurred on September 6th and by September 11th we had already been resubmitted.  So, today I can look at the calendar and know that we have 1 solid week and a half under our belts in the dreaded wait for PGN to give their “stamp of approval” on our adoption of Carmen Julia.  Phew…only 6 1/2 weeks (or less) to go.  Then of course another 4-8 weeks until we pick-up, but really, it just doesn’t seem that bad.  I think I can do this…I really think I CAN!!!  It’s amazing what a light at the end of the tunnel can do for one’s psyche.

I just don’t know where the time has gone.  It has just flown by, really.  60+ days waiting for PA…WHAT 60 days?  60 days came and went before I even had a chance to blink.  Sure, I had some sleepless nights but that was mostly due to my excitement over finally having the opportunity to visit.  And I know I’m writing as if my wait is almost over, when really the hard part has just begun.  This is the point at which updates come with less frequency because the wait is longer.  At most we’ll hear that we are “still in PGN” or worse “KO’ed from PGN with the following objections…”. 

But even still…we have barely 3 months until Christmas (yes ladies…you heard that right…you better get your shopping started) and I just KNOW Carmen will be home by then (nothing written in stone…just my gut, or woman’s intuition, or Mommy instinct).  Over these next 3 months I have a LOT to do.  My October is so jam-packed I barely even want it to begin!!!  We have a VERY important wedding to attend, a fundraiser to attend, friends to visit in NY (ahem…you KNOW who you ARE…wink, wink), friends to camp with (yup…you know who YOU are too), Youth Group events to plan including a “lock-in” and youth led worship service, a nursery to paint and decorate, baby shopping, Christmas shopping, wedding shopping, Thanksgiving planning, on and on and on.  In fact, I wonder, if when we get that call that we are OUT and then finally PINK if I won’t just want to lay down, curl up into a ball, and cry out that I’m not ready yet!!!

So, needless to say, we’ve already come a long way AND still have a little ways yet to go.  But our weeks are chock-full of good times planned with friends and family which will keep us far too busy to spend more than a couple minutes/day thinking about Carmen (OK…I KNOW that’s an exaggeration…we’ll spend at LEAST 5 minutes/day thinking about her and probably 5 minutes more looking at her, talking about her, dreaming about her……….I digress).  And as I already wrote, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, which totally ROCKS!!! It won’t be long before my inability to post on this here blog will not be due to sheer laziness, but rather, because I have a baby in my arms and I find it quite difficult to type single-handed.  Won’t that be a GRAND excuse:)!

I’ve Been Tagged, or Tug, or Taggen (oh well…whatever it is)

I’ve finally been tagged and of course it came from none other than my dear, sweet, BH!  Thanks dear!  Love ya….

So, here goes, to the best of my ability!

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago

• Preparing to enter my last semester of college…ah the joys of Student Teaching!
• Working in retail…ironically for a “plus sizes” store, when I couldn’t use the discount…10 years later, what I wouldn’t GIVE for that discount.
• Attending BH’s 5-year HS reunion (and thinking about attending mine)…assuming that you are good with math and neither BH nor me worked above or below our grade levels you can now figure out how old we are.
• Neglecting my muscial interests…something I stopped neglecting once we bought a house in which to keep my piano and found a church where I can occasionally “toot my flute”!
• Vacationing at either the OBX or Cape Henlopen with my parents…an annual tradition that will continue once we bring CJ home.

5 Snacks I Enjoy

• Cheese Puffs
• Cheetos
• Cheese N’ Crackers
• Cheese-Its
• Cheese

5 TV Shows I’ve Seen Every Episode Of

• Little House on the Prairie
• Life Goes On…oh you remember…the one with Corky and Kellie Martin who was probably hired for her ability to turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat!!!  And of course who could forget Chad Lowe?  Hubba, hubba!
• Full House
• Lost
• My Name Is Earl

5 Things I Would Do If I Were a Millionaire

• Donate more money to charity
• Adopt more children internationally
• Open an “orphanage”…a place where children can feel love and compassion without fear of being shipped from one place to another.
• Open my own bakery
• Open and operate my own Bed & Breakfast (at the beach)

5 Bad Habits

• Biting my nails
• Eating on an irregular schedule
• Procrastinating…isn’t this true for everyone?  Who doesn’t admit to procrastinating?
• Biting off more than I can chew…I love to volunteer for things I don’t really have time to do.
• Volunteering BH for things without his permission…and he’s too sweet to refuse after I volunteer him.

5 Things I Like To Do

• Sing in my church choir and occasionally provide a flute accompaniment
• Bake, cook…anything that takes place in the kitchen
• Swim…in the ocean, in a pool, in my bathtub…anywhere so long as I’m WET!!!
• Travel…is there a country I wouldn’t want to visit?  Hmmmmm….NOPE!!!!
• Laugh…it’s life’s best medicine and provides my belly with a better workout than if I did 500 sit-ups every day (ok…maybe that’s pushing it, but it’s what I like to tell myself, so pipe down all you exercise gurus out there…you better not burst my bubble!!!!).

5 Things I Would Never Wear Again

• Legwarmers
• Wide belts over thigh-length blouses
• Suspenders
• Permed hair…yeah, I know it’s not terrible…but as you know from BH I am a red-head and all a perm does is make me look like “Little Orphan Annie”!
• Jelly Shoes…ugh…talk about making your feet sweat and stink!  YUCK!!!!!

5 Favorite Toys

• Flute and Piano
• Digital Camera…I love experimenting
• Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer
• Ellie, my cat…yes, only she could serve as my most amusing toy!
• TV with DVR (Digital Video Recorder)…now I don’t miss a single favorite show!  How did I ever survive without it?

5 Things I Can’t Stand

• Toilet paper with poor perforation that tears off unevenly
• Wool, lace, and any other “scratchy” fabrics on my skin
• Spiders!!!!!…and bugs of any other sort with the exception of lady bugs, butterflies, and lightning bugs, although I would still freak out if any of the acceptable ones landed on me.
• Dirt on my hands and under my fingernails…for that reason I just choose to not engage in activities that might make me dirty, except camping, which I LOVE despite the bugs and dirt.
• Wearing sandals in public…God only knows what might crawl across my feet and I would just prefer being left in the dark on that subject!

Ugh…I think that was a little harder for me than BH!  But it was still loads of fun!  So, I guess it is now my turn to unload the “loads of fun” onto some other unsuspecting readers!  Hmmmmmm….

Tag…our Guatemala adoption buddies and neighbors J, S, A & W (and soon to be Toby)…you’re it!  Have fun!  I’m looking forward to reading your answers!

Tag…our ever-supportive friend who shares some really great family stories about herself, the Man, the Boy, Eeyore, and Peanut…you’re it!

Tag…the newest up-and-coming member of our family, my Niece-in-Law, Jer Jer…you’re it (too late…you already decided to join the family!)!!!

Honestly folks, those are the only people I can think of to TAG (I guess that means all our other really good friends and family members who sometimes read and comment here really need to start a blog for themselves, hmmmm?)!!!  If I think of anyone else I’ll come back and edit!  Thanks for taking the time to read about me, and enjoy reading the sites of those people I tagged!  Happy blogging my dear sweet friends and family!!!  I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!