Tolerance

Please bear with me as I deviate from my typical blog content and style.  The subject of tolerance has weighed heavily on my mind recently and I felt compelled to share my thoughts and feelings here on my blog.

Let me begin by defining the word “tolerance“.

1.	a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one’s own; freedom from bigotry.

2.	a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one’s own.

3.	interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one’s own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.

We hear an awful lot about tolerance in today’s society.  We also hear a lot about zero-tolerance, most especially in the workplace and in schools.  But what about in our personal lives?

As the definition explains, to be tolerant suggests that we are “fair, objective, and permissive toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc. differ from our own”.  That certainly SEEMS possible.  There are many groups and people with whom I disagree but I choose to stand by their side and hold them up as children of God rather than someone who needs to be “saved” or “indoctrinated” or even just “condemned”.  But many of these people with whom I disagree do not directly hurt or affect me.  Sure…I want Carmen raised in a household that names Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord, but would it hurt for her to learn about Mohammed and his teachings from a friend who practices the Muslim faith?  So, tolerance is a good thing, right?

Well, I have 2 problems with tolerance.

1) To me, despite the definition, I view tolerance as something negative, especially when it comes to race.  To tolerate someone suggests they did something wrong or disagreeable to your own beliefs.  To be “tolerant of African Americans” is to be “fair, objective, and permissive” about who they ARE…not about what they DO!  To be “tolerant of homosexuals” is to be “fair, objective, and permissive” about who they ARE…not about what they DO!  Now, to say that you are tolerant of homosexual BEHAVIOR makes sense, but it is the BEHAVIOR to which you show tolerance, not the PERSON!  PEOPLE should not just be tolerated.  PEOPLE should be embraced, nurtured, loved, and accepted regardless of who they are, what they believe, their color, race, or nationality!

2) Sometimes tolerance, no matter how hard we try, is just NOT possible.  Sometimes a policy of “zero tolerance”, as practiced in many workplaces and schools, is necessary especially in our private lives.  BH and I chose to become a multi-racial family through adoption.  As a result we cannot tolerate racism in any part of our lives.  Does that mean racism was OK before we became a multi-racial family?!  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  But before adopting a child of another race we were able to take more liberty in accepting racial remarks while trying to educate the people around us who chose to include us in their racism.  After welcoming our daughter into our family we no longer have the liberty or the time or the energy to EDUCATE!  Our daughter is our priority and doing all within our power to raise her in an anti-racist environment sometimes means adopting a policy of “zero tolerance”.  Zero tolerance for racism, and yes…zero tolerance for the PEOPLE who CHOOSE to practice racism (or any other stereotypical negative “-ism”, such as classism, chauvinism, eurocentrism, etc.).  Some people might find this hypocritical considering our past tolerance.  Others might find this to be unaccepting and disrespectful of personal beliefs.  However this is our family we are talking about.  Yes…it might be unaccepting.  And yes…it might be disrespectful.  But we cross the line between tolerance and zero tolerance when our own family is at risk of serious damage and hurt as a result of another person’s beliefs, whether personally directed toward our family or not.

So, yeah.  Tolerance is a tough thing.  I truly believe we are all called to be tolerant of each other’s beliefs and behaviors.  But when those beliefs and behaviors become detrimental to one’s own personal well-being or that of their family it becomes imperative that each family member recognizes those beliefs and behaviors for what they are and agrees that they will NEVER be tolerated in, around, or among their family.  We have a GREAT responsibility to protect those we love.  Unfortunately sometimes that even means intolerance of those things and those people who hurt us, no matter how hard it might be.

~ by shoolady on October 8, 2008.