Waiting for the Phone to Ring

 OK.  I aplogize now, but this is one of my impatient, temper tantrum posts I warned you all about (if you don’t want to ”hear” whining read no further)!  Remember what I wrote?  I want our CJ NOW!  Well, really, all I want right now is to know what she looks like.  The time for wanting her home with us will come soon enough, but for now a picture would satisfy our desparate longing to meet our daughter!  We know that we have to be close enough to a referral to imagine she is born and just waiting for the right time to surprise us!  But that doesn’t make me feel any better.  All I want is to see her sweet face and know that within a year she will be in my arms forever!

This week has been unbearable for both BH and me.  We sense the call is coming but everyday that passes without our phone ringing is another day of disappointment and frustration and another night of little to no sleep!  And if it doesn’t come today we’ll have a whole weekend to go before our anticipation can begin again!  At least this weekend will be full considering our church retreat lasts from 9-5 on Saturday and then we’ll be busy with Church Sunday morning!  Before we know it Monday will be here and we will once again anxiously await that phone call.

It’s funny…in all my years of life the thought of picking up the phone to either call someone or even answer a call has sent panic through my being!  I hate using the phone for anything!  I always found it ironic that for 3 1/2 years of my life I chose to hold a job that required I not only answer the phone when it rang but that I also take the initiative to call other people!  Customers, potential customers, my supervisors, vendors, government employees, etc!  I managed to muddle through in all my nervousness (I am sure those 3 1/2 years took an equal number of years off my life expectancy) making calls I just dreaded!  And not to alarm anyone  but I can imagine that should the time ever come that I need to call 9-1-1 I will probably be more likely to throw the person in the car and drive to the hospital rather than pick up that phone (good thing our Home Study is done, huh?)!  But now, here I sit, begging for the phone to ring, knowing that with just one ring I will be pouncing on it like a cat on mouse (well, not my cats…but I digress).  The butterflies in my stomach and sweat in my palms will not be due to nervousness or panic or fear.  It will be excitement and joy.  Elation.  Exuberance.  And yes, anxiety!  I cannot wait for that phone to ring!  C’mon phone!  Ring…ring…ring (does sending vibes to the phone really work?  It hasn’t yet so I am beginning to doubt the power of my vibes).  Oh boy!  It’s 1:08 p.m.  I pray that this weekend will be a long one due to the exhaustion we experience from the joy of seeing our daughter for the first time.  Otherwise BH and I will be exhausted from another weekend of little to no sleep as we lay awake wondering what she looks like!  All I can say is…Ring you darn phone!  Ring!!!!

~ by shoolady on May 11, 2007.